Sophomore year of highschool I wrote a 'sample post' to apply to be a humorist for the SparkLife blog. It's not supposed to be published anywhere else, but considering that it's been four years since I submitted it and I still have not heard back, I figure I will post it here.
Carpooling Freshman, a guide.
Carpooling is a great and environmentally friendly way to save money and make friends. By sharing a car in the mornings to and/or from school, carpooling allows less gas to be used, less money to be spent, and painless social interaction. If you have not ever carpooled somebody before, or been in a part of a carpool, I highly recommend that you do so.
Easy as it may seem, carpooling is not all fun and games. Situations may arise that can be difficult to handle, this is especially the case when carpooling freshman. Freshman, unlike other breeds of student, have an [sounds like air] of self-importance. They also have abnormally high levels of disrespect and ungratefulness in their genes. Not all freshmen carry these traits, but most do. Here are the ins and outs of carpooling freshman.
First off, install a freshman-cage. Any local pet store will carry one. These prevent the freshman from crawling around inside of the car, and also helps prevent scratching and tearing the seats.
Keep the window lock on. Freshman love sticking their heads outside the window, feeling the breeze of the wind brush across their pimpled face, letting their tongue slobber out freely. While this may seem like a good idea at first, the second a nearby branch swings too close to the car… – BAM! Lawsuit from the parents. As a general rule, unless one of the freshmen has possibly released some flatulent gases, do not let them roll down the windows. It gets slobber on the outside of the car, and their hair can fly around the inside – and freshman hair can be very difficult to clean.
If possible, attempt to block off any small openings or crevices; freshmen have a way of getting stuck in even the smallest of holes. Just stick some old boxes or books under the seats, and in other similar areas to prevent this needless hassle.
Next is the radio. If you have an mp3 player connection dock be sure to keep it secure, if you don’t, the freshmen’s greasy fingers may get on it, causing random song changes too songs such as “Party in the USA” or even “Boogey Wonderland.” It is recommended to remove these songs and CD s from the car before the freshman get in. If you are using a radio, ensure that you have the presets set to only what you, the driver, would like to listen to. You can prevent them from changing the station by hand, but presets are one-push-stops to the Radio Disney, and nobody wants that.
Shotgun can be an interesting situation. If driving more than one freshmen, be sure that strict rules have been laid out. While specific rules may change from person to person, ensure the freshmen know what you consider allowed and disallowed. Feel free to ‘bend’ the rules to allow more trustworthy freshmen to sit in the privileged passenger seat. It makes them feel special, and gives them a motive to behave better.
And as always, remember to let your freshmen go to the bathroom before leaving, feed them regularly, and, most of all, treat them with respect. They ARE humans after all. Smaller, less significant humans, but humans nonetheless.
Note: The word I was looking for in [sounds like air] [of self importance] is air. I was looking for the word AIR which sounds like AIR. . . I was a sophomore in HS, sue me!
