An update on the book

What do I do when I should be working on my book? I am making sure you are all informed about it's future release date.

The book is a bunch of funny 'bits' that I wrote. Think of it like sketch comedy, but with words.

Sign up for updates when it is for sale by clicking here:  http://eepurl.com/l1aL5

Performing, what I learned tonight

I learned a thing or two about performing for children tonight.

• Never show them the knifes until it is a show (crowd watching) environment (IE: not when messing around, gathering, or killing time with the curious kids).


• When you make a big deal of something that will only happen once. Stress how it will only happen once (knives over somebody).


• If you show them (or let them see) something, be prepared to do it. IE: if they see the unicycle, and the juggling props, they will want to see you do both at the same time, and when they ask "can you do this" being able to say "yes!" is the best thing ever.


• I need to get a prop box to hide things/protect things/carry things/look official, and I need to have a clear routine with a beginning and end.


• I need an assistant or somebody that can get kids to behave, because my humor often comes from my reaction to misbehaving kids. Then they think:misbehave = funny. I don't want to get rid of that bit about my performances, so somebody else has to be the authority.


• I need a length of rope I can set down to make an impromptu stage. (and maybe some chalk)


• I need to set up the kids to peer pressure the other kids into behaving. as opposed to them banding up against me. It's tough if they already don't respect you, but possible.


• Looking different/unique/some sort of outfit, or silly hat, or something like that, would be nice.

Tonight was fun, but none of the kids respected me. They stole and run around with my stuff, they crossed my chalk-line stage, they got in the way of things and tried to mess up my juggling or trip me on the uni. Also, juggling knives over the kids is huge. Danger adds a whole lot. I should get some torches and a water bucket and make a huge deal of things. Really I should get better at clubs.

In the end, they enjoyed the hell out of it, and that's the point, right?

The 5 ball cascade, progress report

I am getting to the point where I can get 6 or occasionally 7 tosses in during an attempt, and I can toss 5 balls up and then catch them in my hands over 50% of the time. My tosses still are not consistent enough, so I am doing a lot of 3 ball flashes, 4 ball cascade/showers, and other tall/high tricks to try and be more accurate tossing higher, faster. There were sessions where I would hold 5 balls, toss them into the air and try and catch them, and they would almost all drop, for half hours at a time. It was terrible, and the lack of improvement means I should go to a more basic of fundamental step (such as three ball flash's with a clap or two, continuously. Try it). But now it, after throwing 5 up I got three of the original toss' back up again, and it felt good. Really good. I am just going to need to attack this pattern head on

What are you doing, Google?

 



Google, what are you doing? My math teacher is Romanian, not Czech! It's OK google, easy mistake to make.

Suck it, novelists

Humor is not a strange medium of writing/art. Outside of the artist's circle (inside of the consumer's, receiver's, enjoyer's, layperson's circle) it is a very enjoyed medium. Everybody loves picking up a book and having a good laugh. But humor doesn't get very much respect. Possibly because browsing the 'humor' section of Barnes and Noble is filled with titles such as The Ultimate Toilet Reader of Stupid Facts books - some books even shaped like toilets. How is a genre of writing that published their works as toilet-worthy ever going to get respect. "Stand up comedians can't write! Put that Steve Martin book down" is an actual (I swear to god, it's why I am writing this post) quote I heard at the bookstore. David Sedaris is stuck in the bottom, and usually only gets an appearance on 'the table', where, under a "New & Noteworthy" sign, high quality but unpurchased works are on display to attract more attention. Humor is not a respected medium, but it is an enjoyed one. Why don't people respect humor? Everybody who has ever flubbed a punchline knows it isn't easy being funny, and being funny in writing is even harder. It's so hard, i am resorting to writing about humor, than writing humor itself.

Consumers do not take humor seriously.

Inside of the artist circle, ask a poet is he could try to be funny for a piece. You will get scoffs. Shel Shilverstein, Odgen Nash - even Alexander Pope. These guys are good. Really good. Pope is considered one of the best poets of all time. But they get scoffed off for being funny. Pope's satirical piece on how to write poetry is considered one of his worst poems. Shel silverstein is for kids and kids only, and - lemme guess - you had to Google who Ogden Nash even is, right? Hell, if you are reading this blog you probably had to look up Alexander Pope too. (sorry). Poets do not think humor poetry is serious. It never has those obtuse and convoluted layers and extended metaphors that poets call 'meaning' and 'emotion'. 1) that is a generalization and a wrong one. 2) Humor writers use a lot of poetic techniques to write. If something sounds funny, it is funny. I use Zeugma, Alliteration, Metaphors and Similies all the time. One of the greatest metaphors of all time, by Douglas Adams: "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't". My point is that to say that humor writing is shallow or inartistic is a hasty generalization.

Novelists poop on Humor writing too. Often humorists are forced to write pre-teen fiction, or (god forbid) children's books. As a kid, I wanted to pick up a book and laugh. I remember Captain Underpants fondly. But how about for adults, David Sedaris, Steve Martin, and Tucker Max are the only adult-oriented humorists I can think of. (Tucker Max is very adult oriented).  Adults arn't going to go pick up 'Emails from an Asshole' or 'Ant Farm'. (By the way, I highly recommend reading Simon Rich's Ant Farm and Free Range Chickens. OK, I can think of a few more adult-themed humorists (Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee, The New, New Rules). I am missing a lot, arn't I. I am, but that's not the point, the point is that humor is not respected by creators, consumers, or publishers. My point is that this is bad, and this conception needs to change. Harry Potter has moments of humor in it! Shakespeare? That man liked a good pun. (According to John Cleese the lowest form of comedy) Do not tell me humor cannot be art. I will hit you into the Thames with a large fish, then ride away on chariots made out of bacon and driven by strippers. Because fuck you, is why.

Vegetarian

I started a personal challenge to go one month without meat. Today is day 5.

A friend of mine is going to give me $20 if I succeed. Challenge accepted!

Carpooling Freshman

Sophomore year of highschool  I wrote a 'sample post' to apply to be a humorist for the SparkLife blog. It's not supposed to be published anywhere else, but considering that it's been four years since I submitted it and I still have not heard back, I figure I will post it here.

Carpooling Freshman, a guide.
Carpooling is a great and environmentally friendly way to save money and make friends. By sharing a car in the mornings to and/or from school, carpooling allows less gas to be used, less money to be spent, and painless social interaction. If you have not ever carpooled somebody before, or been in a part of a carpool, I highly recommend that you do so.

Easy as it may seem, carpooling is not all fun and games. Situations may arise that can be difficult to handle, this is especially the case when carpooling freshman. Freshman, unlike other breeds of student, have an [sounds like air] of self-importance. They also have abnormally high levels of disrespect and ungratefulness in their genes. Not all freshmen carry these traits, but most do. Here are the ins and outs of carpooling freshman.

First off, install a freshman-cage. Any local pet store will carry one. These prevent the freshman from crawling around inside of the car, and also helps prevent scratching and tearing the seats.

Keep the window lock on. Freshman love sticking their heads outside the window, feeling the breeze of the wind brush across their pimpled face, letting their tongue slobber out freely. While this may seem like a good idea at first, the second a nearby branch swings too close to the car… – BAM! Lawsuit from the parents. As a general rule, unless one of the freshmen has possibly released some flatulent gases, do not let them roll down the windows. It gets slobber on the outside of the car, and their hair can fly around the inside – and freshman hair can be very difficult to clean.

If possible, attempt to block off any small openings or crevices; freshmen have a way of getting stuck in even the smallest of holes. Just stick some old boxes or books under the seats, and in other similar areas to prevent this needless hassle.

Next is the radio. If you have an mp3 player connection dock be sure to keep it secure, if you don’t, the freshmen’s greasy fingers may get on it, causing random song changes too songs such as “Party in the USA” or even “Boogey Wonderland.” It is recommended to remove these songs and CD s from the car before the freshman get in. If you are using a radio, ensure that you have the presets set to only what you, the driver, would like to listen to. You can prevent them from changing the station by hand, but presets are one-push-stops to the Radio Disney, and nobody wants that.

Shotgun can be an interesting situation. If driving more than one freshmen, be sure that strict rules have been laid out. While specific rules may change from person to person, ensure the freshmen know what you consider allowed and disallowed. Feel free to ‘bend’ the rules to allow more trustworthy freshmen to sit in the privileged passenger seat. It makes them feel special, and gives them a motive to behave better.
And as always, remember to let your freshmen go to the bathroom before leaving, feed them regularly, and, most of all, treat them with respect. They ARE humans after all. Smaller, less significant humans, but humans nonetheless.

 

Note: The word I was looking for in [sounds like air] [of self importance] is air. I was looking for the word AIR which sounds like AIR. . . I was a sophomore in HS, sue me!