How to begin a song

This is the best intro to a song I have heard since The Stars.

Zach Needs Help

"Zach needs help" Written by me, Directed by me, Staring me, and my friend Taylor.

One of the 6 student-written/directed/acted plays selected and performed for DePauw Playwrights 2012.

I was not intending on acting in the play originally, and Taylor ("Jordan") was originally cast to play the waitress. The two lead actors both were busy, and so I had to find new actors and memorize the play in just 2 weeks. So I wrote/direct/acted in the thing. We put one of the producers of the festival in drag to be the waitress.

I have yet to write and direct a play where I don't have a cross dressing actor. I have only done two so far, but I am becoming known for eschewing traditional gender roles and identities  I bet somebody could write a dissertation on that many years from now.

You can download the script here. Feel free to put this play on yourself, use it, edit it, expand on it, etc. I know that it can be far better and funnier than the above video. If you do: 1) let me know, and 2) give me credit.

Adventures in Chin-Balancing

I bought some spinning plates online (dube is my brand of choice. Up next: Cigar Boxes!). I am passively acquiring equipment and skills to put on a variety entertainment show. Anyhow, I know that I need to work on my balancing. I don't ride my unicycle daily, it's winter now, and I'm rusty!

Yes, that is my room. I have a roommate. Don't judge.

So, after viewing the receipt for the props, I decided to start learning how to balance things on my chin. After failing and getting frustrated yesterday, I was able to, today, keep a club up on my chin for about 2.5 seconds, tops.

That is a disappointingly small amount of time. But I am used to being bad at something. In fact, I still can't juggle 5 balls, and I've been trying to do that for over a year. Oh wow. I just realized that that is a really long time to fail at something. If only I practiced more consistently. These things happen when you attend class and do homework, and other lame things like that.

This boring post brought to you by procrastination.

Remember, all you need is a little inspiration.

You are not Busy

You are not busy. You think you are because you have 200 pages of reading due tomorrow, a homework and an assignment due on Thursday, some essays due next week. There is that show you need to go to and you can't forget to eat dinner - maybe you should invite that one person you like?

I am not saying that you don't have a lot of things to do. What I am saying is that you arn't busy. You are exhausted  overloaded, and in need of a break, but you are not busy. "No", you say - yelling at your computer like a buffoon - "I am busy! I have all of those things due and not all that much time to do them!". But you are wrong. You can get everything done. How do I know this? Because you have always been able to get it all done. You have been faced with more work before, and you will be faced with more work in the future.

No. You are not busy. You might be unorganized and inefficient. 

How many all night-ers have you pulled for a paper due on... not the next day? All night-ers, cram-sessions and other "busy people" things are because due dates were approaching quickly, and you did not manage your time well. So stop sucking at time management.

A letter to myself, 2012.

On Happiness

Melancholy - not sadness -  is the opposite of true happiness.

This is what I woke up to

I woke up, donned my bath robe and slippers, ignored the fact it is 2 in the afternoon (i'm comfortable, damnit!) and walked into the kitchen of the fraternity house searching for breakfast. I mean brunch. I mean lunch. . . I mean breakfast.

To my pleasant surprise, I find the following waiting for me.

DONUTS

I did what any sane human would do upon such a sight, and promptly ate one. Then another. Then 2 more. (Hey, it's not like there aren't enough).

Then, only after eating the fourth delicious glazed dough-ring did I question the source of these donuts. I asked my roommate, who had walked in and started eating one himself.

"Oh, I got them from the church. Apparently the Christians hate donuts, or something".

This made me curious. It's no secret I have never been a fan of the church, and for them to bestow a plethora of donuts to a fraternity that is housed across the street ... something seemed irrational about it all. I had my suspicions.

So I checked the expiration date: November 5th, 2012.

Ah. Tomorrow. The Donuts expire tomorrow. They are "best by" tomorrow. The church can't serve them! And where else to get rid of some soon-to-be-rancid donuts? A frat house! Perfect!

Edit: It is coming to my attention that my roommate had grabbed the terminal donuts which were going to be thrown away, figuring that most of us would not mind or even look at the impending expiration date. The brother is completely correct in his reasoning.

There really isn't a good conclusion to this story. So I'm just going to go eat another doughnut/donut/however you spell the damn word.

Am I cold?

Well, it's the time of year where the average daily temperature is not in the 70's. Oh dear, the pain of living in the midwest.

That said, my outfit has not changed. A graphic t-shirt, loose unbuttoned button-down over-shirt, shorts or pants, and shoes made of some sort of leather (topsiders or moccasins). This outfit is not well-equiped to handle the great outdoors, it would seem. In fact, walking around, many various bundled people ask me the same question: "Arn't you cold?". They ask it from within layers of wool, cotton, and fleece. "Arn't you cold?"

Well, I have two answers to that question.

No:
Honestly, sometimes I am not that cold. I have always favored the winter seasons when I grew up on the east coast, and I played hockey throughout my life. In high-school, this involved a drive to the rink (My car's heater does not work), before walking to into the rink (no heating), and to the locker room, where finally the weather was the pleasant side of 32. Then getting dressed in wet (and smelly) equipment before getting on the ice, which is kept at 16 degrees or below (a rink does't have much heating ability). In fact, the rinks heaters were not on this early, and the showers after the freezing hour and a half were below-freezing. This is no hyperbole: ice literally formed by the drains. Then get dressed, walk to the lobby and eat, get in the car and drive, and walk into the school to experience something above 50 degrees for the first time since waking up, hours earlier. This happened twice every week for 3 years.

So I am used to the cold. And It was cold. I complained and bitched about it right beside everyone else. It was cold, but what could you do? Answer: Mutter profanity under your breath. But this re-adjusted my personal reference scale as to what is and what is not cold. And sometimes when I am wearing a t-shirt and shorts during 47 degree weather, I don't actually think that it's cold.

Yes:
OK, so its below 40 degrees, and my own lifestyle dictates that I may acknowledge the cold. But I will not complain about it. A personal creed, a vow I took with myself after I stopped playing hockey. I will not complain about the cold. Cold is my annual experience of asceticism. It is the one bad-ass, tough thing that I have, the only tough thing I really do. I don't complain about getting cold. Combine this with my high tolerance, and my joy of making a point of these things, and a few friends think I am a freak. In regards to "making a point", I once walked around through the snow barefoot a little while just to prove to a friend that I could. (He had taken my literally when I had said: "I'm not wearing a jacket because I don't get cold". No, I do get cold. But I am still totally willing to convince a friend that I don't. I will gladly take the role of my campus's Wim Hof. I may not (yet) be a master of Tummo meditation, but I will (on my honor) not complain about being cold.

So am I cold? No. Of course not. I don't get cold.

A note for my mother:
I am not going hiking or camping. I am walking to class. These are 10 minute walks outside. A jacket is large and annoying to carry around, for I am inside for most of the day. And any time that I am outside? I am not cold enough or in pain for a long enough period of time to warrant a jacket. It just isn't worth it.