Graphic Picture Story Book

How does one go about writing a graphic novel? I have been researching the 'method' (tools, software, tricks, formats, mediums, etc) that different graphic artists use, and there is a pattern.

1. Write. Outline general story or write ever detailed panel, and between. Get a sense of the characters. Create and work on sketches for what each character looks like, etc.
2. Draw. On paper, usually first with Pencil then later with Pen. Draw larger than WYSIWYG and shrink later.
1. This step varies the most for artists. 
3. Scan. Some people do the inking digitally, some people are all digital. Most that I have researched Ink on paper then scan and color digitally, but others color on paper too. Some only scan when it is completely finished. No matter where this step happens, eventually the pages are getting scanned.
4. Finish. Format at into page-size pages, add dialogue, put into a digital comic book format or book publishing format (CBZ, PDF, etc)
5. Package. Send for proof, editing, publishing, etc.

The only really novel or interesting thing here is the stage where different artists "go digital". Some "don't" and the guy preparing their work for print does. But most use a computer for things like speech bubbles, borders, and the like.

So what about me? Well, I am stuck in the writing step on my projects, but I have been transitioning slowly from all digital to drawing with pens and paper (real paper! From trees! bound in mole skin or something similar). It gets me away from my computer and enjoying life around me.

How to begin a song

This is the best intro to a song I have heard since The Stars.

Zach Needs Help

"Zach needs help" Written by me, Directed by me, Staring me, and my friend Taylor.

One of the 6 student-written/directed/acted plays selected and performed for DePauw Playwrights 2012.

I was not intending on acting in the play originally, and Taylor ("Jordan") was originally cast to play the waitress. The two lead actors both were busy, and so I had to find new actors and memorize the play in just 2 weeks. So I wrote/direct/acted in the thing. We put one of the producers of the festival in drag to be the waitress.

I have yet to write and direct a play where I don't have a cross dressing actor. I have only done two so far, but I am becoming known for eschewing traditional gender roles and identities  I bet somebody could write a dissertation on that many years from now.

You can download the script here. Feel free to put this play on yourself, use it, edit it, expand on it, etc. I know that it can be far better and funnier than the above video. If you do: 1) let me know, and 2) give me credit.

Adventures in Chin-Balancing

I bought some spinning plates online (dube is my brand of choice. Up next: Cigar Boxes!). I am passively acquiring equipment and skills to put on a variety entertainment show. Anyhow, I know that I need to work on my balancing. I don't ride my unicycle daily, it's winter now, and I'm rusty!

Yes, that is my room. I have a roommate. Don't judge.

So, after viewing the receipt for the props, I decided to start learning how to balance things on my chin. After failing and getting frustrated yesterday, I was able to, today, keep a club up on my chin for about 2.5 seconds, tops.

That is a disappointingly small amount of time. But I am used to being bad at something. In fact, I still can't juggle 5 balls, and I've been trying to do that for over a year. Oh wow. I just realized that that is a really long time to fail at something. If only I practiced more consistently. These things happen when you attend class and do homework, and other lame things like that.

This boring post brought to you by procrastination.

Remember, all you need is a little inspiration.

You are not Busy

You are not busy. You think you are because you have 200 pages of reading due tomorrow, a homework and an assignment due on Thursday, some essays due next week. There is that show you need to go to and you can't forget to eat dinner - maybe you should invite that one person you like?

I am not saying that you don't have a lot of things to do. What I am saying is that you arn't busy. You are exhausted  overloaded, and in need of a break, but you are not busy. "No", you say - yelling at your computer like a buffoon - "I am busy! I have all of those things due and not all that much time to do them!". But you are wrong. You can get everything done. How do I know this? Because you have always been able to get it all done. You have been faced with more work before, and you will be faced with more work in the future.

No. You are not busy. You might be unorganized and inefficient. 

How many all night-ers have you pulled for a paper due on... not the next day? All night-ers, cram-sessions and other "busy people" things are because due dates were approaching quickly, and you did not manage your time well. So stop sucking at time management.

A letter to myself, 2012.

On Happiness

Melancholy - not sadness -  is the opposite of true happiness.

This is what I woke up to

I woke up, donned my bath robe and slippers, ignored the fact it is 2 in the afternoon (i'm comfortable, damnit!) and walked into the kitchen of the fraternity house searching for breakfast. I mean brunch. I mean lunch. . . I mean breakfast.

To my pleasant surprise, I find the following waiting for me.

DONUTS

I did what any sane human would do upon such a sight, and promptly ate one. Then another. Then 2 more. (Hey, it's not like there aren't enough).

Then, only after eating the fourth delicious glazed dough-ring did I question the source of these donuts. I asked my roommate, who had walked in and started eating one himself.

"Oh, I got them from the church. Apparently the Christians hate donuts, or something".

This made me curious. It's no secret I have never been a fan of the church, and for them to bestow a plethora of donuts to a fraternity that is housed across the street ... something seemed irrational about it all. I had my suspicions.

So I checked the expiration date: November 5th, 2012.

Ah. Tomorrow. The Donuts expire tomorrow. They are "best by" tomorrow. The church can't serve them! And where else to get rid of some soon-to-be-rancid donuts? A frat house! Perfect!

Edit: It is coming to my attention that my roommate had grabbed the terminal donuts which were going to be thrown away, figuring that most of us would not mind or even look at the impending expiration date. The brother is completely correct in his reasoning.

There really isn't a good conclusion to this story. So I'm just going to go eat another doughnut/donut/however you spell the damn word.

Am I cold?

Well, it's the time of year where the average daily temperature is not in the 70's. Oh dear, the pain of living in the midwest.

That said, my outfit has not changed. A graphic t-shirt, loose unbuttoned button-down over-shirt, shorts or pants, and shoes made of some sort of leather (topsiders or moccasins). This outfit is not well-equiped to handle the great outdoors, it would seem. In fact, walking around, many various bundled people ask me the same question: "Arn't you cold?". They ask it from within layers of wool, cotton, and fleece. "Arn't you cold?"

Well, I have two answers to that question.

No:
Honestly, sometimes I am not that cold. I have always favored the winter seasons when I grew up on the east coast, and I played hockey throughout my life. In high-school, this involved a drive to the rink (My car's heater does not work), before walking to into the rink (no heating), and to the locker room, where finally the weather was the pleasant side of 32. Then getting dressed in wet (and smelly) equipment before getting on the ice, which is kept at 16 degrees or below (a rink does't have much heating ability). In fact, the rinks heaters were not on this early, and the showers after the freezing hour and a half were below-freezing. This is no hyperbole: ice literally formed by the drains. Then get dressed, walk to the lobby and eat, get in the car and drive, and walk into the school to experience something above 50 degrees for the first time since waking up, hours earlier. This happened twice every week for 3 years.

So I am used to the cold. And It was cold. I complained and bitched about it right beside everyone else. It was cold, but what could you do? Answer: Mutter profanity under your breath. But this re-adjusted my personal reference scale as to what is and what is not cold. And sometimes when I am wearing a t-shirt and shorts during 47 degree weather, I don't actually think that it's cold.

Yes:
OK, so its below 40 degrees, and my own lifestyle dictates that I may acknowledge the cold. But I will not complain about it. A personal creed, a vow I took with myself after I stopped playing hockey. I will not complain about the cold. Cold is my annual experience of asceticism. It is the one bad-ass, tough thing that I have, the only tough thing I really do. I don't complain about getting cold. Combine this with my high tolerance, and my joy of making a point of these things, and a few friends think I am a freak. In regards to "making a point", I once walked around through the snow barefoot a little while just to prove to a friend that I could. (He had taken my literally when I had said: "I'm not wearing a jacket because I don't get cold". No, I do get cold. But I am still totally willing to convince a friend that I don't. I will gladly take the role of my campus's Wim Hof. I may not (yet) be a master of Tummo meditation, but I will (on my honor) not complain about being cold.

So am I cold? No. Of course not. I don't get cold.

A note for my mother:
I am not going hiking or camping. I am walking to class. These are 10 minute walks outside. A jacket is large and annoying to carry around, for I am inside for most of the day. And any time that I am outside? I am not cold enough or in pain for a long enough period of time to warrant a jacket. It just isn't worth it.

Greek God and Goddess

A letter to the class of 2062

The following letter will be saved to a floppy disk and placed in a time capsule to be opened 50 years from now.

Honestly, we expect things have changed more than they will. We want change and miraculousness, but things are probably about the same. Sure, technology may (ok, probably) has improved, clothing will be different, and the Rolling Stones might have died off, but for the most part, we live the same lives. The context around our lives may be drastically different, but there are far more similarities than historians or evolutionary psychologists give credit. Bureaucracy is frustratingly inefficient, taxes are unfair, and Nicholas Cages acting ability is underappreciated. Popular music seems shallow and nobody can ever quite seem to understand exactly what troubles you are going through. The Israelis and Palestinians will still be fighting (or all dead).  Bitches be crazy, men be idiots, but we continue dancing along, going through the motions. You will find yourself waking up earlier and staying up later for stupider and stupider reasons. Things are going to be OK in end, and you will be rewarded for your efforts. Unless you die of alcohol poisoning, as us DePauw students are want to do.

Some Questions for you, future person:
- Dude Chuck Norris die? If so, how totally bad ass was his death?
- Did the 9/11 monument at ground zero get completed? People better still be remembering that. (Just like I still remember the Alamo. Respect)
- Have we been to the moon again, yet?
- Did we ever figure out what was wrong with Lady GaGa?
- As a child, I was able to eat insane quantities of unhealthy candy and sugar. Is this still possible, or are you guys all "healthy"?
- Is California still attached?

And some notes on things that may be skewed historically:
- Politics is an innane process where you can buy your way into power, lobby for what you want for and appearance/oratory is everything. You don't need to know anything abut how the world works to run it, you merely need to be persuasive and have a good smile. Lets hope this has changed.
- Charlie Sheen wasn't (isn't) that crazy
- Michael Jackson wasn't that adored (until his death)
- People sometimes say acronyms out loud. We do this because of how much we "txt" each other, which is all of the time. It's kind of weird but I beli- hold on, i need to respond to this
- People of this time did watch Jersey Shore seriously, but nobody here likes those people.
- Bill Nye the Science Guy is totally boss
- as is Spongebob Squarepants, Ed, Edd, & Eddy, Dexters Lab, and other cartoons (Loony Tunes is still great now, These will still be great then (er... now)
- Obama is a cool dude
- We are totally reliant on foreign oil to power our cars, of which most families own multiple. It's pretty bad.
- Girls enjoy wearing really tight pants that are textured to look like Jeans. They are called jeggings. Nobody is complaining.
- We have the word "God" on our money
- There are way to many people who believe in Creationism (I hope you have never heard of this, google it).
- "Google it" means to search for something on the internet.
- The internet, at this point in time, is a complicated series of tubes people use mostly to share pictures of cats and videos of people hurting themselves. You can buy pretty much anything on the internet, and have it shipped to your house in under 2 day for not that much money. I can only assume by your time, that has decreased to same day shipping.
- There is a "Top 10" (very popular) song with the following verse: "Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass. Ass.".

- Poop jokes: funny always
- There is a McDonald everywhere.
- Hot Stock Tip: invest in Apple, not Enron.
When you get this, give "Hunter (Hugh) Dyar IV" a call. You can find his number by flagging down any local "maps of the celebrities houses" guy. That guy will probably be Hunter, as he will not likely have any sort of respectable job. This is, of course, assuming Hunter is still alive, and hasn't tragically died in an event that will be known to simply be called "The dolphin incident".

Flip Spiceland, A Magnificent Bastard

The theater nerds at DePauw do a pretty cool project called Insomniac theater. The idea is simple. Actors, Writers, and Directors all meet Friday evening at 7:00. Actors auditions and writers select them. Then, the actors and directors go to sleep. Meanwhile the writers stay up all night and they each deliver a 10 minute play by 7am. From there the directors and actors meet and get the play memorized, blocked out, and ready to be performed. The performance takes place at 7:30 Saturday night (24 hours after it "began").

Last year I was an actor. This year, I wrote and directed my own play. Basically, that means I got even less sleep.

The writers had three rules to follow: There must be a character named Flip Spiceland, Toilet Paper must be used as a prop, and the line of dialogue "Do you have to do that now" appears.

Sadly, my camera died before my play could get recorded (it went last), but click here to download and read the play. It got changed a bit while we rehearsed and worked out a lot of the dialogue kinks, but there was nothing major changed.

You may notice "magnificent" is spelled wrong in the title page. I added that at the last minute at 4am, and I am leaving it in there as a mark of the play's rapidly-written nature.

An interesting thing about writing a play in one sitting overnight is that you don't get any perspective. You have nobody to tell you if the whole is offensive, irrelevant, wordy, strange, or just plain stupid. That's what made these plays so great. One of the other writers wrote a play about a secretly gay husband, which was very funny - but some people were offended. All of the plays were very different and they all were insane. They also all were comedies! Insomniac theater is a fantastic project, and we had a great time doing it.

Click here to download a pdf of the play

For those curious, I wrote in Google Docs with Fountain.io, and then a bit in vim, and finally in adobe story

Friday the 14th - Radio Playlist

updating in real-ish time

This is the music I played during my radio shift, weekly from 2-4am. It's one hell of a time slot. Songs are listed here in the order that I played them.

Bold means that the artist is a personal favorite.

• Charlie Winston - Kick The Bucket - Hobo (album)
• Moonface - Yesterday's Fire
• Magic Trick - Melodies - Melodies (Album)
• Fistful of Mercy - Father's Son
• Beach House - Lazuli
• Steve Martin - Late For School - The Crow (album)
• Beachwood Sparks - Sparks Fly Again
• First Aid Kit - Emmylou
• River City Extension - Point of Surrender
• Wax Tailor (feat. Charlie Winston) - I Own You - In The Mood For Life (album)
• Crystal Fighters - Xtatic Truth
• Kormac - This Party Must Continue - Word Play (album)
• Jack White - Sixteen Saltines

The top of the hour now: AP radio news.

• The Shins - The Rifles Spiral
• Propellerheads - History Repeating (Featuring Miss Shirley Bassey)
• Poor Moon - Pulling Me Down
• The Fresh & Onlys - Yes Or No
• The Cat Empire - Panama - So Many Nights (album)
• David Bryne & St. Vincent - Who
• Tea Leaf Green - Let Us Go
• Sufjan Stevens - Futile Devices - Age Of Adz
• Iiris - Melyse
• Father John Misty - Hollywood Forever Cemetary Sings
• Harper Blynn - Busy Hands, Empty Hearts - Busy Hands (album)
• Moe. - Stranger Than Fiction
• Opossom - Why Why - Electric Hawaii (album)
• Massive Attack - Girl I Love You - Heliogland (album) 
• Yung life - Back For You
• Fanfarlo - Fire Escape

I played a lot of songs that have a few standout lines that have stuck with me over the years. like "Some people won't dance if they don't know whose singing / Why ask your head it's your hips that are swinging" from History Repeating or "I love things that seem impossible" from Panama. If the artist above is in bold, it probably means the song has some line or another that has stayed with me for a while, or had some sort of significance. That is this weeks 'theme'.

While I recommend purchasing/listening "by the album", but I still link to individual songs because most people listen "by the song".

My Problem with Agnosticism

Warning: religious and philosophy talk ahead. Proceed at your own risk.

Click on the follow through link to read my essay "My problem with Agnosticism". It's probably worth reading if you like philosophy, I think. Before you begin, however, here is a link to what Wikipedia has to say and understand that I will define agnosticism and then refer to my definition of the term. So before you write me off for being "wrong", try and understand my points and my point of view. Don't disagree with me until you understand what I am saying. OK, disclaimer over, essay ahead.

Also, there arn't any photos, because throwing some in would be irrelevant. Sorry.

God Damn I am tired

I got 1 hour of sleep last night, and that is being generous. The past 3 days don't total nine. This isn't so much of a blog post as it is just holy balls I am tired.

Creative and Functional goal-aware software

By creative software, I mean software that is the tool for creation. By Functional software, I mean software that is the tool one uses to get things done.

Creative software is text input, drawing programs, modeling programs, image editing software, music software, etc. Something where you save a creative work out of it.

Functional software is for completing tasks. Email, calendar, clients (such as for FTP, SSH, etc), music players, file browsers, etc.

With both pieces of software, a user goes in with a goal. With creative software, that goal is not predetermined or predictable. The tool must step out of the way. A paintbrush does not give recommendations or auto-complete brushstrokes. It is not the creative software that makes the thing, is is the creative software that lets users make the thing they want to make. Users also have a goal for functional software, and this sort of software should be stepping in and helping out wherever possible - making it as easy and fast as possible to complete the task.

IMHO, the best software in either camp follows UNIX's philosophy of "One Thing Well", but particularly functional software. The more things a piece of software tries to do, the worse it is at doing everything. By just doing One Thing Well, design is more streamlined an efficient. Navigation trees are smaller - there are less steps to figure out what the user actually wants to do. Software - good design - should know and work with the goal of the user. With one-thing-well functional software, we get really good products.

But what about creative software, - there is no way to know what the user want's to do outside of really broad categories like 'paint' or 'write'. Programs like Photoshop have adaptable workspaces (read: changing/customizable interfaces that bring out the features of the programs depending on what the user wants to do, be it image editing, digital painting, proofing, or whatever. This allows a program as feature-packed as Photoshop to remain as useful as possible. Show the user what they need, hide what they don't, and get out of the damn way. Without the changing interface, the program would look a lot like pre-ribbon-strip Word. Menu after Submenu of categorized features that a user must hunt through, because the program does not know what it is the user want's to do, and thusly has to have everything be an option. It's better to have fewer yet more important [to the user's goal] options at quick access than to have every option 8 steps away. Weight the design towards what the users use - don't be equitable to the software's functions.

If software is just doing One Thing Well, then there is no need for this context-based interface modifying. Merely by launching the program, it knows what the user want's to do, and thusly the design can focus on making a better experience for the user. This is the best method I know for software to determine the goal of the user.

On responding to inane questions

Read the whole thing here

The Question: "You're very patient with people, particularly people who ask the most inane kinds of questions. Is this something you've cultivated?" and Chomsky's response:

"First of all, I'm usually fuming inside, so what you see on the outside isn't necessarily what's inside. But as far as questions, the only thing I ever get irritated about is elite intellectuals, the stuff they do I do find irritating. I shouldn't. I should expect it. But I do find it irritating. But on the other hand, what you're describing as inane questions usually strike me as perfectly honest questions. People have no reason to believe anything other than what they're saying. If you think about where the questioner is coming from, what the person has been exposed to, that's a very rational and intelligent question. It may sound inane from some other point of view, but it's not at all inane from within the framework in which it's being raised. It's usually quite reasonable. So there's nothing to be irritated about."

Noam Chomsky; Excerpted from Class Warfare, 1995, pp. 19-23, 27-31

Customer Service

When I need help that I know will involve talking to an actual person, I should be able to do the following:

1. Go to support webpage
2. With forms (dropdown), I narrow my problem down (to dept., etc)
3. I Enter my phone number
4. Have the company get a technical service representative ready, and then call me
5. I pick up the phone, and instantly start talking to someone in person who already knows my account information, basic problem, etc.

Amazon has customer support where you -optionally signed in to your account- put your email in and select your problem, but they call you instantly and you still have to wait on hold. At least they already have your account information (which was verified by me), and know where to send the call. 

Steps are being made in the right direction, but I still believe customer support is something where a lot of improvements are being made, but the forces at be - money, current systems, laziness - are keeping it terrible. This ultimately means a worse experience for the consumer.

Prescription VS. Description Dictionaries

Every once in a while, sombody notices that some stupid cultural bit (like "LOL") has been added to the dictionary, then they go around complaining about it and the decline of culture - as if culture is something that sites on a number line.

Here are some examples

But whenever somebody complains about whatever decline in English language, I tell them to stop being such a brabbler and learn the difference between prescription and description dictionaries.

The original "Just Google It" was to throw one of these at somebody

Lexicographers (word people, dictionary writers, language analyzers) have two methods of choice when writing dictionaries, Prescription or Description. 

Prescription dictionaries issue judgement. They denote and command proper use/practice of language, grammar, pronunciation, or syntax. Prescription dictionaries are seemingly resistant to changing.

Linguistic description does not establish rules, it is applied taxonomy. A descriptive dictionary reports what people say. If a neologism is common enough, then it goes in the dictionary. It is in these sorts of dictionaries that controversial or slang words/neologisms such as "chillax", "bromance", and "LOL" find home. NOT in prescription ones.

Well, not yet, at least. Language is always changing and evolving and, despite some lexocographer's stubbornness, that change is powered by the people. Language is about communication. If one can communicate effectively, that is what matters. I would like to say that lexicographers in the 'prescription' camp do not care about informal use, but that probably isn't true. Those word nerds are surely losing sleep over spoken abbreviations or anything "meme"-ish.

Language is a form of communication that can be found in both extremely formal and extremely informal environments. It is always changing, and whether certain changes are good or bad is a matter of opinion.

The clash between formal (Yes) and informal (Yeah) language is ever-present and very interesting. It goes back to the creation of English as a language. (If you click one link make it that one).

So stop bitching. If you don't like a word's existence, and think people who say "YOLO" or "Bromance", then just don't use it. Boycott the words you think have no place in language. Also, stop commenting on internet articles. Your opinion that English is declining is uninformed and pointless.
--
Also check this out

Our Contradictory Culture

There were Germanic Tribes in England. (The Angles and the Saxons, sound familiar?). Then some Christians showed up. Instead of the Christians getting rid of the germanic culture by replacing and driving it out, they mixed together. This mix of ridiculously separate, and often contradictory and confusing cultures can be argued to be the basis of modern english and thus a significant amount of both English and American culture, most notably with ideals. This mixing also explains Christmas and Easter, in case you were curious.

We idealize and value all of the following:
LOVE and WAR.
FORGIVENESS and REVENGE/VENGANCE
AFTERLIFE and THE FINALITY OF DEATH
PROVIDENCE and FATE.
Christianity on the left, germanic on right

I could but won't go on. You may argue that we do not idealize war or revenge, and that after death is a matter of opinion/religion. You might have a few good points, because it all differs on an individual scale, but as a culture, (look at the stories we grow up with), these things all mix! It's crazy!

It is because of this mixing that our culture is so contradictory. We love the war hero and pray for world peace. Great stories of revenge are told while forgiveness is the mental law of the land. What is this? Answer: America. This christian/germanic mix is the base that entered america, and the melting pot of america today continues to mix and change. There is no true american culture as america is the combination of culture. Just think about food. We mix things together. It's pretty awesome.

The Chilli-Cheese-Fried-And-Raw-Onion-Pickle-Ketchup-Mustard Hot Dog. And to think this started in Germany, now it can be found nowhere BUT America.

The government as set by our founding fathers set up rules that lets this happen. (Freedom of Religion, etc), but in order to receive the awesome and nifty benefeits of the mix, we have to deal with segregation, discrimination, and biased separation that is inheireit in such a system. Taking something and routing its history is always fun, particularly with food.

So can I be American? I often hear people tell me that I can't say I am American. "But what is your ancestry". America is from somewhere else, so you are from somewhere else, so where are you from?
Well that doesn't make any sense! I was born here! I was raised with American values! (Television!). Why, because my grandfather was born in Germany, am I German? On my father's side, I can't be more American (that's a lie: Native American). I am a direct descendant of Samuel Huntington. (Huntington is even my middle name, people), and you say I am not american. I am a mix of the cultures around me. That's as american as it gets!

Graphics Quality Settings

You play at "Great" graphics? That's cute. I use my GTX 670 to pump it all the way up to Fantastic. 

I am the worst at this

I draw art that is fridge-worthy. By fridge-worthy, I mean terrible in every way other than the amount of effort that went into it. My drawings are those that people look at and hesitate, searching - deeply searching - for something kind to say about it. Because you wouldn't want to hurt my feelings.

Drawn from reference by a 19 year old in 25 minutes

Why do I bring this up? Because I am trying so damn hard! I have set a lofty goal of one digital painting every day. Ever. Single. Goddamn. Day.

So everyday I will make an art. Create something of some kind, while I work towards being a better drawer and digital artist/painter. Everyday I will upload the piece here: creation.hunterdyar.com. Why upload my terrible art? Is it because I enjoy criticism? Well, no. In fact: I don't care what you think! haha! I am showcasing my work as a motivational technique to keep myself creating. I have to post something every day.

This took almost 1 1/2 hours, and I was tracing.

If I miss one day of practice, I notice it. If I miss two days, the critics notice it. If I miss three days, the audience notices it. - Paderwski

It's about being productive and getting better at things. More specifically, getting better at things that I suck at.

In the future, it may be fun to look back and see just how bad I was, and note my improvement. More likely, I will look at that blog months from now and start crying at the clear evidence that shows so little improvement. (ctrlpaint.com, help me!)

If nothing else, it will remind me to practice juggling, writing, unicycling and billiards more often. Because If I don't do that, my self-confidence and self-esteem might drop to dangerously low levels.

Why todo list apps suck

There are a lot of todo list apps. I am working on designing another one, because the market apparently isn't flooded enough. Actually, it is more than flooded, and here is why: Developers use todo list's. They like having apps to help them out. They try to find a good todo list app. Every todo list app is complete rubbish, and they think "I can make something better". So they do. And then it's slightly better rubbish. Some todo apps are gorgeous, others are feature filled, others are themed for specific things like weddings or travel plans. They all suck. Why is this?

I have tried about a thousand todo list apps, the one method I stuck with for over a year was this: Every morning, or the night before, I would write the day's todo's on a post it note, and stick it in my back pocket, or to my notebook in my side pocket. I would check it often, and get things done. It didn't help me manage any long projects, but it worked well for daily tasks and as a reminder. A todo list app needs to have that quick-check daily items, as well as be able to help manage long tasks. 

I am going to try really hard not to call out any individual app, unless it's in at least some positive light.

My hand writing really is this terrible

Only available in one place

People may carry their phones everywhere, but damnitall, I don't want to take my phone out or reach for my iPad when I am sitting at my computer. There are a lot of todo lists apps that are just for iPhone or iPod, not nearly as many for the web, as software, or for android devices. There are even less that are available on all of these platforms. A good todo list needs to follow the user, and sync across devices. I want an app that can sync across devices. I don't even need offline support! (but it would be nice). Existing on ones phone is essential these days, which sucks, because there are a lot of web-only todo list apps that are really good except for that one thing.

They are ugly as hell

There is a problem trying to put a host of features one-click away. You have a lot of stuff to click on. Also, a lot of todo apps still believe very strongly in the glossy button, and don't we hate that? Todo.txt may be powered by a great txt file system, but it came from a command line and it's apps are also ugly! Other apps rely on some tricky interface to separate themselves, like super-advanced post-it note emulation or a wooden theme, looking like a "real" piece of paper, and these all look like crap! The novelty wears off very quickly and then the design gets in the way. Frankly, list's arn't that hard to make look good, but they are really hard to make look great. And most apps just look OK. Completely average. Who wants that? Notable exception: Clear.

Many todo lists would look the same even on this phone

You only have one type of item

Most todo lists treat all tasks the same. Something that is either DONE or TO DO. This is a simple and not very useful way of looking at things. An essay due in 3 weeks is the same as a daily reminder to do some pushups. This is wrong! Items that are different should be treated differently. I want to create a daily item (for me, things like juggle, practice piano, exercise, stretch, etc) that automatically gets added every day. It would be nice to be able to look at stats/history of these daily items. Todo list apps should be able to work with the Don't Break The Chain technique (which I am fond of).

No Hierarchy

Todo list items are not simple. The best todo list items (that is, things that will actually help you get things done) are small single-minded tasks. There is one action to complete them. One should break apart items as much as possible, and watch their progress. Many todo list apps have one level of hierarchy: projects. There is no reason not to treat any task as something capable of having children. I may have a project a boatload of branching children tasks. Often, todo list apps get too intrusive at this step, and there are too many steps to jump through to create a project, which - inside of the todo list code - is a whole separate and frustrating process with deadlines and Gantt charts and a slew of other unused features.

Free Services that disappear

Read this blog post, written better then I could. Basically good services that are free go away because they arn't making any money. This is why I am afraid of Wunderlist, which seems to be one of the best services out there.

This is how much I hate useless features!

Filled with useless features

Wow, app, I am glad somebody thought ahead to password protect my todo app inside of my password protected app, And golly-gee I sure am glad you mark the location I create and complete my todo's! That is super-duper helpful and not bloating or slowing down your app at all!

Other Minor Annoyances

• Character limit on tasks
• Dedicated for daily tasks, no long term tasks (TeuxDeux, you are almost a winner)
• No customizing font, color, etc. Damnit, I want yellow Comic Sans!
• More than two buttons to create a tasks. 1 to open the app, the other to create task. Any more than that, and something is wrong.
• Only good for one thing - (such as just daily tasks, or project management). When somebody needs something else similar, they have to find another tool.
• Typing on a phone stinks, compared to pen and paper.
• No offline access
• Force sync on every app launch slowing you down
• Writing on paper, crossing things out, crumbling things up - it just feels better.

Difference of Opinion, Bertrand Russel

If an opinion contrary to your own makes you angry, that is a sign that you are subconsciously aware of having no good reason for thinking as you do. If some one maintains that two and two are five, or that Iceland is on the equator, you feel pity rather than anger, unless you know so little of arithmetic or geography that his opinion shakes your own contrary conviction. The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way. Persecution is used in theology, not in arithmetic, because in arithmetic there is knowledge, but in theology there is only opinion. So whenever you find yourself getting angry about a difference of opinion, be on your guard; you will probably find, on examination, that your belief is going beyond what the evidence warrants.

– Bertrand Russell, “An Outline of Intellectual Rubbish,” 1943

Read from here: http://www.futilitycloset.com/2012/07/13/heat-and-light/

Go follow Futility Closet, its a fantastic blog!

This blog is not to be where I share things, but I just had to post this.

The Effects of Alcohol

A new type of software learning tutorial

The Problem

I am trying to learn Maya right now. Maya is very complicated 3D modeling and animation software. To help myself get kick-started in it, I am using a 7 day trial of Lynda.com. Lynda provides video tutorials to learn software, and they are of a very high quality. They can be slow at times, but are solid.

Even these professionally produced expert guided video tutorials are not perfect, but of no flaw to Lynda. Rather, the problem stems from ones attention span. One cannot focus on two things at the same time. Using dual monitors, I like to put the software on one screen and the video on another, and then I follow along to the tutorial. This forces my attention to constantly switch back and forth between the two screens, and I often miss what the tutorial is saying. This is especially frustrating because at other times the tutorial is painfully slow. Most users are forced to watch a chapter, then do the lesson, then go back and watch it again. If they forget anything, it's rewind-buffer-rewatch time.

In Other Words

Software tutorials suck because they force you to switch attention back and forth, and it is hard to follow along while the tutorial is going on. It is hard to learn by doing.

The goal is to keep attention focused inside of the software one is learning, while still following instructions and explanations. The first idea was some overlay software that would point to different parts of the program and text would appear. This is possible, but too problematic and potentially buggy. What could I do to simulate a goatee'd man standing over a shoulder and pointing out different parts of the software?

Like this, but less creepy.

My Solution

My own solution/idea is very simple. Painfully simple, really: Audio-instructor. Audio lesson files to listen to while in the software, doing. (yes, DOING).

Wow, that sounds simple and awesome.

It certainly does. Let me some answer possible questions.

What about the pace? Couldn't users get lost?

As lost as "MOG" the cat

Most users have a pause button on their keyboards or nearby. I have one mapped onto a button on my mouse. Even if they do not, alt-tab + space +alt-tab will probably do the trick quickly. The idea is that the instructor would work at a quick pace, and the users could pause and get themselves caught up. This would mean all learn-ee's are are learning at their own pace, and faster than any video tutorial. Certain parts of the lesson could even command it. For example, learning vim. "Pause now and type a few lines. Resume when you are ready". or Maya "Load 'tutorial file one' and try to use the camera navigation tools to go through the maze. Pause now, and resume when you have finished this."

How would a pupil find his way around or understand icons?

The lack of any video should not be considered a disadvantage. The user has the software open. They can see it. They can follow along and would be looking at the same thing as any video.

Aside from "click the blue arrow, or press the w key to go to <tool>", which wouln't be terrible, one could have bundled with the audio file(s) would be a screen-cap image of the software with different, special, parts pointed out and labeled. One can always check this file if they get lost or do not understand where the instructor is asking them to go. (remember... pause is easy, and can be done without leaving software)


Heck, additional supplements, such as a short video tutorial to explain software layout and terminology, the previously described screen-shot, or tutorials created by other people in other places (all over the internet! hell, what's this "the documentation" anyway? F1? Crazy-talk).

This is better and easier.

Software tutorials do not need to have two images (video and open program) of the software visible at the same time. Keep the pupil inside of one and let them do the lessons for themselves at the same time as it is explained, as opposed to watching, then doing, then watching, then doing, etc. These tutorials are easy to create and audio files are universal, they can be implemented anywhere with already existing technology.

It's universal!

But what am I going to do about it?

I want to try this out on some software I know well. I could easily create a lesson plan for google docs, a short one, and give it away for free. I know a hell of a lot of software well enough to get many started (my secret: learn and recognize UI standards, and your in-software goal). I certainly am going to make an attempt at this, and let other's try it out. If it works, 1) Woohoo! and 2) I will pursue further, possibly setting up a website/small little tutorial creating company creating lessons for sale. The tough part is a witty name that wouldn't age like crap. (the MP3-tuts of today is the Beta-Max followalong's of tomorrow).

This has more uses than just software learning

This sort of package could help explain more than just software use, One could also teach specific things, like setting up/configuring a computer or server, programming, basic tech support, website using, or.. well, anything, really. The premise is solid enough one could take it out of the digital realm. Ipods and phones and possibly even my new toaster all play mp3 files. If a pause button is easily accessible, one could create follow-along listening tutorials for just about anything, from gardening to driving (OK, maybe not driving).

To the classroom!

Have you ever been taught software in a classroom setting? It's painfully slow and terrible for a million reasons I do not need to list. Instead, lets give each student a copy of the lesson, stick some headphones (that they have) on them, and let them at it. The faster pace would keep kids attention focused and have them learn more, faster. Online access would let students complete the lessons from anywhere, with their own machine they are comfortable using. This is the type of technology that could easily find use with the 'flipped classroom' methodology [Learn more about that here]. I have sat through way to many terrible computer apps classes that teach out-of-date software with out-of-date lessons, simply because there is no access to up-to-date resources that are cheap and easy to implement without retraining teachers. This can be fixed. So lets fix it!

These kids are having fun because they are AWESOME and agree with me.

A list of some good programmers font's

I am trying to find the best monospace font, specifically one for programming. Presented in no order are the results from my search, a small list of really good font's for programming.

I was trying to figure out what made these font's good for programming. It all comes to attention to detail. These font's all do a good job paying attention to details programmers notice. Some are easier to read than others, others strive for clarity and clean lines.

• Courier/Andale Mono/Monoco (defaults) Why mess with what works?
• ProFont - Use this one if you want a readable small (9pt) font.
• Proggy - Also good for small sizes.
• Deja Vu Mono - Panic ships with a modified version of this font
• Droid Sans Mono
• Inconsolata - Really good, and free?
• Consolas - You may already have it
• Ubuntu Mono - I used this for a long time
• Anonymous Pro - Many people swear by it.
• Gohu - free, legible, unambiguous
• Twiskweline - legible, neat and tidy.

There are a lot more, but this is a good list to get one started with finding their own font. I use Inconsolata, but have been playing around Proggy and proFont. In the end it all comes down to personal preference. (read: there is no 'best'. But there is 'damn good')

Further Reading:

• http://www.codeproject.com/Articles/30040/Font-Survey-42-of-the-Best-Monospaced-Programming
• http://hivelogic.com/articles/top-10-programming-fonts/
• http://rsms.me/2007/06/11/monaco-inconsolata-and-panic-sans.html
• http://keithdevens.com/wiki/ProgrammerFonts
• http://vim.wikia.com/wiki/The_perfect_programming_font
• http://www.emacswiki.org/emacs/GoodFonts

Heyyyyyyy

A chart I just made.

Hey, I do voice acting!

Hunter Dyar voice acting demo reel from Hunter Dyar on Vimeo.

More information here

Album - a short film in photos

I have been working on this for about a week. Downloaded 369 photos, the video has 270 or so in it. All of the pictures are from the Instagram Community. The music is Mad Rush by Phillip Glass, which I edited for timing. I wouldn't say I created this video as much as just put the pieces together.

Ah, time to wait! The Book has been sent in.

My book, Not A Flotation Device has been sent to the distributors. In a few days, they will send it to the publishers, who will then review it and make it available for sale. It will be available for sale as an eBook in the following online stores, and available on pretty much any eReading device.

• iBookstore


• Sony


• Amazon Kindle


• Barnes&Noble


• Kobo


• Baker & Taylor


• Copia


• Gardner's


• eBookPie

Which is a lot! And totally awesome! I will also, once the book is "out", make it available for download as ePub or PDF at  hunterdyar.com, through a PayPal checkout process. So now it is time for me to wait, and focus on doing anything else. Let's hope I didn't mess this one up royally! Woohoo!

Running: Day one

I told myself when I came back from college that I would pick up running, or at least jogging, in order to stay in shape. Throughout high school I had conditioned with Squash training and Ice Hockey. In squash, I was predicted to go to college on a scholarship (before moving to Indiana [dreamcrush!]). With Hockey, I had a, uh, "Old School" coach who looked like a WWE wrestler, but older and in better overall shape. All that said, I trained pretty hard, and by the end of Senior year, I was in pretty damn good shape.

Then I went to college and didn't exercise seriously once, aside from the spare unicycle ride. I still ate healthy, slept well enough, and walked at least 5 miles every day, so I don't imagine I got terribly out of shape. That is false.

Tomorrow, I thought whimsically yesterday, tomorrow I shall go for a run! Man I am an idiot.

I woke up at 10, got out of bed at noon, and prepared for my run. NextDraft pointed me to a good article about long-distance running, which motivated me to go.

OK, I told myself. I live at 126th street. I am going to run 1 mile to 116th street, then walk back. Sounds like a good plan, shouldn't be too hard, I lied to myself.

I put on my athletic shorts, found a pair of running shoes buried depressingly deep in my closet. I hoisted my socks up high and proud, put in some earbuds, grabbed my FitBit, and walked to the intersection. I started a light run.

Shit, which leg first? Oh damn, ow! F***! I forgot to stretch! Are my legs different heights? Why am I leaning to the left? I think there is something in my shoe. My hamstrings hurt. My throat hurts. How do I breath? Should I be just breathing through my mouth? Lemme try my nose. Shit, not enough air. In nose out mouth? Nope. What? Frack! How do I do this? My arms are cramping up. My elbows are solid, should I be swinging? (Here goes a fit mom, she seems to be having no trouble at all). I watch the fit mom for technique ideas. She smiles at me as we jog past each other, she probably thought I was a pervert. But arm movement isn't critical, although I am bent over way too much. Damn slouching posture! I probably look like a grandfather attempting to flee from a home while having an asthma attack. How do people do this to themselves? I could be in my computer nest, trying to make music or practicing juggling or... doing any god damn thing else. The worst thing was when a stitch hit. These are diaphram muscle spazms that I had been plauged with during middle school Gym classes, but took a leave of absence in High School. Nope, I still got them. They are caused by my internal organs bouncing up and down and straining my other internal parts. THAT ISN'T GOOD. (Now, as I look into the issue, I realize my breathing is entirely at fault). I considered giving up, and passing out on the side of the road - or worse, picturing my old coach yelling at me. He once skated me until my legs literally gave out and I collapsed on the ice, he is a dangerously good motivator. Just as I was contemplating my options, I realized I was only 100 or so feet from the end. oh. I thought. I can do that.

I ran the mile in almost exactly 7 minutes. Oh. Not actually that bad.



I walked around, crossed the street, walked a bit, and got myself motivated. Actually I lied to myself I am feeling pretty good. I have certainly felt worse, with more in front of me. Lets do this. Lets jog back! Judging by my pace, and the music I was listening to, I ran .3 -.6 miles. Probably just under half a mile back. This latter attempt was a mistake. I felt like my sides were tearing open and being stabbed by small pointy things (concurrently). My throat decided that it would dry out, I started coughing. I felt like I was going to throw up - I think I even dry heaved a few times. When I knew I wouldn't make it, I set a visible goal (that mailbox!) and let myself stop there. Even this was too far, by any health nut's standard. My body reported it was considering giving up on my brain, which was able to keep itself motivated and kept the legs moving (a la old Coach). But just because my legs would listen to my brain doesn't mean any other part would. Stomach: "I hate you" Mouth: "nope" Lungs: "Good luck breathing without me, jerk!" . Walking back, I stopped twice for air, but forced myself to at least w

 

alk. I regretted not moving to a land filled with benches and water fountains. Walking back, the song Woody Woodpecker by Dan Deacon came on, taunting me further. As I was dealing with being laughed at continually by my music, I passed a small group of healthy-lifestyle 20 somethings from my neighborhood. One of them got a laugh at my pain. I could feel their judgement, burning at me.

I ripped off my sweaty shirt before I even got in my door, which due to collapse, I opened using primarily my face. I looked like the 'after' portrait on a TV commercial advertising gang rape. I climbed up (damn) stairs and collapsed.

 

Do it again tomorrow? Sounds like a plan!

Nook for Fire...Kobo?

I own  a Nook eReader and a Kindle Fire Tablet. I was curious if the kindle fire had a Nook app, despite the Nook Color being a direct competitor. As it turns out, the is no Nook app for Kindle Fire (on the amazon app store). But there is a Kobo app.... What's up with that, Kobo? Ignoring rivalries and providing a more complete, better experience for customers? Who do you think you are?

The Vagina Monologue

I wrote and gave a Vagina Monologue for my school's new way to end the original play, and here it is. Pardon the grammatical or spelling errors, it was written to be performed orally. Sadly, no video exists of the performance.

---

Hello. My name is Hunter, and yes. I’m a guy. You are all probably very confused- what’s a penis doing on stage? He doesn’t have a vagina! And that’s true. I am not a masquerading Hermaphrodite. I do not have a vagina.

That isn’t to say I’ve never wanted one. Vagina’s are pretty cool! They are mysterious, like a grandfather clock to a child. I can look at it. I can point out the pieces, I can even tell you what those pieces are called, but I really have absolutely no clue how they works. Health class gave me the impression that vagina’s were strange alien-like tube-filled contraptions that had the power to destroy souls. While the jury is still out on the soul destroying ability of vaginas, It doesn’t need to be restated that I am naive. My naivete extends past vaginas and to the entire female body, to their brain, and their actions. I do not understand women.

For example: High heels. I have two sisters. They like to look pretty. They wear high heels because high heels make their legs look good. I don’t disagree. 2 parts confuse me. One: They are wearing a very long dress and nobody can see their good looking legs. Two) they are so uncomfortable that women end up walking like this, and then later just carrying the shoes.

I know I am not the only man who does not understand women. Other clueless men include my dad, Charlie Sheen (or chris brown), and the entire city of philadelphia. So why are men so clueless? I have a theory: Guys make friends with guys, and guys are easier to be friends with. When guys are angry, we may hurt each other physically. Girls, on the other hand, hurt each other emotionally. I will listen to no denial of that fact. Behavioral and developmental psychologists have published science (yes, science!) which shows this. The emotionally cannibalistic tween girl community makes fathers sigh and brothers groan. My older sister once got an entire class to perform the silent treatment to one poor girl as a rebuttal to her saying my sister was short. (We learned to stay on my sisters good side). The key difference is that boys, being, in general, more confrontational, tend to be easier to forgive. Once the bruise on my shoulder heals, or we get over the heated words yelled, guys are back to being friends. Girls tend to be much better than guys at making enemies for life. It’s not easy to forgive sustained, constant, and daily emotional battery. 13 year old girls walk a field of landmines filled with a precise balance of compliments and insults delivered to just the right people. It’s no wonder that girls think that guys are shallow, simple-minded ‘jock’-ish brutes! Tween girls have to think like a battlefield general 24/7! Fellow men, there is no way we can comprehend these chess grandmaster-level emotional attacks that have been employed by 13 year old girls. The US Army could learn a lot from them.

I know a lot of you are probably defensive in regards to what I have said, but I am not accusing any of you of any of that. The behavior I described of a tweenage girl is in no way a representation of a college aged girl. We have grown up and we’ve matured - we can look back and laugh over silly things we have done or felt, and that we don’t do anymore. But, here’s the thing, us guys have played witness to countless emotional attacks growing up, and preconceived notions and tendencies are a hard thing to get past. We still hang out in mostly gender-separate groups of friends. I understand a bit of this, guys live with guys, and gals live with hals, and we do extracurriculars like sports together, of course we make friends with the same gender. But why such the massive separation? Why could this be? Is it a strange underlying sexual tension? Well, maybe a bit, but that doesn’t play as big of a role as one would think. My point is, guys, and gals, do not be afraid to befriend the opposite gender! Why cut away 50% of all possible friends? Why walk into a room of unknowns and immediately clump into gender defined groups? There should be no fear of the friend-zone! The friend-zone, if you aim for it, is a fantastic place. There is nothing, or at least very little, to be afraid of people! Guys: they don’t bite! Make friends regardless of gender, and put middle school memories, antics, behaviors, and assumptions behind you. Guys, you are making friends with women, not girls. Girls - behave as the women you are! I will put up with no immature, backhanded reactions to conflict. Guys, no hasty generalizations about women and how they act!

We must get past our gender differences and start learning to be friends with each other, like a lot of us were before puberty hit. Be mature. Be friendly!

In middle school the one boy who hung out and sat at the girl table was called gay. How does that make any sense? . . . doesn’t matter? It is no longer the case! We can hang out and be friends with each other! It’s not that hard!

So I conclude. Girls, start talking to a guy without thinking he is flirting or whatever. Guys... just start talking to girls.

I’m Hunter Dyar and thanks for listening.

Various Comments I recieved on this piece, while writing it.

Various Comments I recieved on this piece, while writing it.

There is nothing here
Is this some sort of art project?
Why are you showing me this?
Hunter, This is really stupid
This isn't funny
Why are you typing what I am saying?
so, what, like, meta?
This isn't funny
Hey, did you see last nights episode of Community?
I don't find it funny
It's actually quite powerful, don't you think?
What? Wait, what will I say go in there?

 

---

Analysis: This is open to all interpretation. (read: it's stupid if you think it is). I came up with the idea, wanting it to be funny because of meta. As only the person 2nd from the bottom got, it became something different. This short bit of writing has morphed from an unfunny gag into a powerful statement: What somebody hears about a piece of art has a massive influence on how that art is perceived. The audience matters. The context matters. Your opinion of a film will be different if you read negative reviews before you saw it, than if you did not.

Is this a good thing? A bad thing? That is not my place to say [here]. One must be conscious of any biases of art before they see the art  (So for film, I think reading reviews beforehand is bad), but otherwise it is an inescapable aspect of art. I am also playing with similar themes by writing poetry designed for only one person to be the true audience, everyone else is an observer. It's difficult to enjoy as a poem, but when one applies the audience-as-theme for analysis, things get at least a little bit more interesting.

I stopped it here, because people would 'get it' and would watch what they say before talking, as the last line had.

An update on the book

What do I do when I should be working on my book? I am making sure you are all informed about it's future release date.

The book is a bunch of funny 'bits' that I wrote. Think of it like sketch comedy, but with words.

Sign up for updates when it is for sale by clicking here:  http://eepurl.com/l1aL5

Performing, what I learned tonight

I learned a thing or two about performing for children tonight.

• Never show them the knifes until it is a show (crowd watching) environment (IE: not when messing around, gathering, or killing time with the curious kids).


• When you make a big deal of something that will only happen once. Stress how it will only happen once (knives over somebody).


• If you show them (or let them see) something, be prepared to do it. IE: if they see the unicycle, and the juggling props, they will want to see you do both at the same time, and when they ask "can you do this" being able to say "yes!" is the best thing ever.


• I need to get a prop box to hide things/protect things/carry things/look official, and I need to have a clear routine with a beginning and end.


• I need an assistant or somebody that can get kids to behave, because my humor often comes from my reaction to misbehaving kids. Then they think:misbehave = funny. I don't want to get rid of that bit about my performances, so somebody else has to be the authority.


• I need a length of rope I can set down to make an impromptu stage. (and maybe some chalk)


• I need to set up the kids to peer pressure the other kids into behaving. as opposed to them banding up against me. It's tough if they already don't respect you, but possible.


• Looking different/unique/some sort of outfit, or silly hat, or something like that, would be nice.

Tonight was fun, but none of the kids respected me. They stole and run around with my stuff, they crossed my chalk-line stage, they got in the way of things and tried to mess up my juggling or trip me on the uni. Also, juggling knives over the kids is huge. Danger adds a whole lot. I should get some torches and a water bucket and make a huge deal of things. Really I should get better at clubs.

In the end, they enjoyed the hell out of it, and that's the point, right?

The 5 ball cascade, progress report

I am getting to the point where I can get 6 or occasionally 7 tosses in during an attempt, and I can toss 5 balls up and then catch them in my hands over 50% of the time. My tosses still are not consistent enough, so I am doing a lot of 3 ball flashes, 4 ball cascade/showers, and other tall/high tricks to try and be more accurate tossing higher, faster. There were sessions where I would hold 5 balls, toss them into the air and try and catch them, and they would almost all drop, for half hours at a time. It was terrible, and the lack of improvement means I should go to a more basic of fundamental step (such as three ball flash's with a clap or two, continuously. Try it). But now it, after throwing 5 up I got three of the original toss' back up again, and it felt good. Really good. I am just going to need to attack this pattern head on

What are you doing, Google?

 



Google, what are you doing? My math teacher is Romanian, not Czech! It's OK google, easy mistake to make.

Suck it, novelists

Humor is not a strange medium of writing/art. Outside of the artist's circle (inside of the consumer's, receiver's, enjoyer's, layperson's circle) it is a very enjoyed medium. Everybody loves picking up a book and having a good laugh. But humor doesn't get very much respect. Possibly because browsing the 'humor' section of Barnes and Noble is filled with titles such as The Ultimate Toilet Reader of Stupid Facts books - some books even shaped like toilets. How is a genre of writing that published their works as toilet-worthy ever going to get respect. "Stand up comedians can't write! Put that Steve Martin book down" is an actual (I swear to god, it's why I am writing this post) quote I heard at the bookstore. David Sedaris is stuck in the bottom, and usually only gets an appearance on 'the table', where, under a "New & Noteworthy" sign, high quality but unpurchased works are on display to attract more attention. Humor is not a respected medium, but it is an enjoyed one. Why don't people respect humor? Everybody who has ever flubbed a punchline knows it isn't easy being funny, and being funny in writing is even harder. It's so hard, i am resorting to writing about humor, than writing humor itself.

Consumers do not take humor seriously.

Inside of the artist circle, ask a poet is he could try to be funny for a piece. You will get scoffs. Shel Shilverstein, Odgen Nash - even Alexander Pope. These guys are good. Really good. Pope is considered one of the best poets of all time. But they get scoffed off for being funny. Pope's satirical piece on how to write poetry is considered one of his worst poems. Shel silverstein is for kids and kids only, and - lemme guess - you had to Google who Ogden Nash even is, right? Hell, if you are reading this blog you probably had to look up Alexander Pope too. (sorry). Poets do not think humor poetry is serious. It never has those obtuse and convoluted layers and extended metaphors that poets call 'meaning' and 'emotion'. 1) that is a generalization and a wrong one. 2) Humor writers use a lot of poetic techniques to write. If something sounds funny, it is funny. I use Zeugma, Alliteration, Metaphors and Similies all the time. One of the greatest metaphors of all time, by Douglas Adams: "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't". My point is that to say that humor writing is shallow or inartistic is a hasty generalization.

Novelists poop on Humor writing too. Often humorists are forced to write pre-teen fiction, or (god forbid) children's books. As a kid, I wanted to pick up a book and laugh. I remember Captain Underpants fondly. But how about for adults, David Sedaris, Steve Martin, and Tucker Max are the only adult-oriented humorists I can think of. (Tucker Max is very adult oriented).  Adults arn't going to go pick up 'Emails from an Asshole' or 'Ant Farm'. (By the way, I highly recommend reading Simon Rich's Ant Farm and Free Range Chickens. OK, I can think of a few more adult-themed humorists (Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea, The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee, The New, New Rules). I am missing a lot, arn't I. I am, but that's not the point, the point is that humor is not respected by creators, consumers, or publishers. My point is that this is bad, and this conception needs to change. Harry Potter has moments of humor in it! Shakespeare? That man liked a good pun. (According to John Cleese the lowest form of comedy) Do not tell me humor cannot be art. I will hit you into the Thames with a large fish, then ride away on chariots made out of bacon and driven by strippers. Because fuck you, is why.

Vegetarian

I started a personal challenge to go one month without meat. Today is day 5.

A friend of mine is going to give me $20 if I succeed. Challenge accepted!

Carpooling Freshman

Sophomore year of highschool  I wrote a 'sample post' to apply to be a humorist for the SparkLife blog. It's not supposed to be published anywhere else, but considering that it's been four years since I submitted it and I still have not heard back, I figure I will post it here.

Carpooling Freshman, a guide.
Carpooling is a great and environmentally friendly way to save money and make friends. By sharing a car in the mornings to and/or from school, carpooling allows less gas to be used, less money to be spent, and painless social interaction. If you have not ever carpooled somebody before, or been in a part of a carpool, I highly recommend that you do so.

Easy as it may seem, carpooling is not all fun and games. Situations may arise that can be difficult to handle, this is especially the case when carpooling freshman. Freshman, unlike other breeds of student, have an [sounds like air] of self-importance. They also have abnormally high levels of disrespect and ungratefulness in their genes. Not all freshmen carry these traits, but most do. Here are the ins and outs of carpooling freshman.

First off, install a freshman-cage. Any local pet store will carry one. These prevent the freshman from crawling around inside of the car, and also helps prevent scratching and tearing the seats.

Keep the window lock on. Freshman love sticking their heads outside the window, feeling the breeze of the wind brush across their pimpled face, letting their tongue slobber out freely. While this may seem like a good idea at first, the second a nearby branch swings too close to the car… – BAM! Lawsuit from the parents. As a general rule, unless one of the freshmen has possibly released some flatulent gases, do not let them roll down the windows. It gets slobber on the outside of the car, and their hair can fly around the inside – and freshman hair can be very difficult to clean.

If possible, attempt to block off any small openings or crevices; freshmen have a way of getting stuck in even the smallest of holes. Just stick some old boxes or books under the seats, and in other similar areas to prevent this needless hassle.

Next is the radio. If you have an mp3 player connection dock be sure to keep it secure, if you don’t, the freshmen’s greasy fingers may get on it, causing random song changes too songs such as “Party in the USA” or even “Boogey Wonderland.” It is recommended to remove these songs and CD s from the car before the freshman get in. If you are using a radio, ensure that you have the presets set to only what you, the driver, would like to listen to. You can prevent them from changing the station by hand, but presets are one-push-stops to the Radio Disney, and nobody wants that.

Shotgun can be an interesting situation. If driving more than one freshmen, be sure that strict rules have been laid out. While specific rules may change from person to person, ensure the freshmen know what you consider allowed and disallowed. Feel free to ‘bend’ the rules to allow more trustworthy freshmen to sit in the privileged passenger seat. It makes them feel special, and gives them a motive to behave better.
And as always, remember to let your freshmen go to the bathroom before leaving, feed them regularly, and, most of all, treat them with respect. They ARE humans after all. Smaller, less significant humans, but humans nonetheless.

 

Note: The word I was looking for in [sounds like air] [of self importance] is air. I was looking for the word AIR which sounds like AIR. . . I was a sophomore in HS, sue me!